nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
