A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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