She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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