She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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