i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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