so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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