I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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