I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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