i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
