so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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