i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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