he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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