So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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