just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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