I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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