I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
