if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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