The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
