She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
