i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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