Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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