I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
