I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
