As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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