my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
