Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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