If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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