YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
