Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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