i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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