Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think people are normalizing furries
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
