New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
