i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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