you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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