hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My cat gives me a boner
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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