I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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