I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
