Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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