I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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