the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
