as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
