you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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