3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
