Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
