My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
