Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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