And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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