I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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