So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
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definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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