i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My balls are so social today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
