I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm jealous of your bromance
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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