i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
