Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
