Someone shit on the floor
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
