I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am spending my child support on dildos
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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