I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
