I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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