The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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