She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
