hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
