PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
