would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When did angry sex become our thing?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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