We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
