did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
