do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
how does that bad decision feel?
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