I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
