I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
