jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
