It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
