He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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