im so drunk with asians
where?
always
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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