Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
