Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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