I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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