woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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