Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
