Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it glows. i had to have it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
