Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
