i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
